Al's Theme Park
by Allen Huffman, Staff Writer

February 21st, 2002

I put this together several years ago after participating in a lunchtime discussion on what makes a good or bad theme park. Without violating any copyrights (like my proposed "Monopoly Land" would have ;) I present my original musings here. Ironically, a few elements I envisioned years ago have actually shown up in some of the parks I have visited. I guess some of the ideas are good after all.

What would your theme park be like? Write up a description and send it in. I'll publish it on this site. The only rule is to try to avoid copyright issues. Don't design a new Disneyland -- design an original park from the ground up.

Al’s Theme Park

Entrance Area/Hub

A generic entranceway leading to the hub which would prolly be either an observation tower (elevators to go up) or a rotating observation “ride” (like Sea World). At the base would be a stage for special performances (school bands) or presentations. This would serve as the “zone” to head for when trying to find a way out of the park!

The hub would spiral out like wagon wheels to all of the sections, and each section would be connected together by passages.

The Sticks

A rural country area featuring a backwoods look. Simulated dirt roads, “shack” style buildings, and even a trailer park which is the backdrop for a live comedy performance.

The trailer park is right next door to a typical suburban household complete with white picket fence. The comedy show features the “Hicks” family (trailer home) and their neighbors, the “Townsends”. The skit takes place in the front yards and would involve a variety of jokes and sight gags. (References like “those Hicks next door” are a given :)

Attractions could include an outdoor track ride where the vehicles were made to resemble old style pickup trucks. It would be a rip-roarin’ adventure complete with banjo soundtrack and funny scenes.

The City

A typical big city section, resembling the downtown streets of New York or any other metropolitan area. Shops would include pizza places, “tourist” shops with typical souvenirs (all themed to “The City”), etc.

Attractions could include a “dark ride” themed to a subway, taking visitors through the subway and down into the sewer facing giant sewer rates and alligators. This might possibly be a water ride...?

Flashback Point

An area geographically close to the City would fade into a 50s style atmosphere with, of course, a soda shop inside a drug store (ice cream!), drive up carhop place (with outdoor sit down benches), and a drive in theater (open air picnic tables where orders are made through the intercom system and delivered).

Attractions might include a skating rink and possible a classic “carnival” setup with typical carnival type rides and a large classic wooden roller coaster.

This area would slow drift towards a 60’s San Francisco look where parked cars would all be Volkswagen Beetles and Vans, and psychedelia and classic rock would surround you.

Attractions could include the Magic Bus (copyright permitting, possibly licensing the Who song for the attraction). This would be another track driven dark ride through a psychedelic world of special effects, strobe lights, “smoke” and the like.

The Jungle

A soft transition through a deep forest would end up in the Jungle, which would be themed with huts, burial grounds, etc.

Attractions would include a log flume style wet ride themed as a logging company. (This would be a chance to make a political statement about logging in the rain forests). Possible tie in to have a Rain Forest Cafe featured in the park with an outside entrance (ala Universal Studios Orlando and their Hard Rock Cafe).

Another attraction might be the Volcano which would be a shoot up/drop attraction with a giant volcano surrounding the base (with the rides shooting out a pole up the top of the volcano). Simulated lava all around and an interactive queue the spirals around the outside of the mountain then into and through caverns inside. Riders would be shot through a cloud of mist on the way through the top of the volcano.

Great White North

A Canadian slant to a theme area which would appear totally covered in snow.

Attractions would feature an indoor roller coaster through ice caverns (very cold in some chambers, using air conditioning and mist generators to bring the temperature down).

If cable cars are present, the “Ski Lift” might depart from this section and end up across the park at...

Sandsville

This would be a barren desert section, resembling Wild Western themes on one side with cacti and a ghost town featuring live gunfights. The bar would have a real piano player and dancing girls on the stage often.

Attractions might include The Watterin’ Hole, a wild rapids ride through a canyon down in the desert.

We could also throw in a few carnival style themed rides as well. If included, the cable cars would be themed at this side as a blacksmiths shop with all kinds of steam engines powering it.

Another dark ride could be included, themed to a mine train.